Perfectly true my Hero

I love this boy. His smell. His voice. He is just the same as you and me but he’s especially different.

You may not understand this. It’s ok. But trust my words. 

He’s my hero. You know. 
He’s stronger than you or I.

In ALL ways.

He’s my hero. You know.

His genuine effection& love carries your heart for days. 

He lives each day as you and I have to …Yet he has challenges we don’t, that would irritate me& you.

This boy. He’s my best. My true hero.

His skin soft, just like his touch. Even his frustrated smackdown-hand ends with a gentler grasp.

Man, I wish I could save this hero. From the internal frustration that makes him dysfunction.

He’s so willing, so wanting to live in our daily conjunction.

My hero. I know you hear whatever we say. I know you want to say what’s in your heart. I know you long to shout your joy in words and I know it matters for you to share your part.

My hero. I tell you this. To me You shine so bright because you are so brave. You live in your life still beautifully glee. Smiling, laughing, bringing SO much us every day. Since you were born you couldn’t stop smiling. 

How cramped you must feel to not express your joy like we do! 

Your very essence is true to who you are deep inside & it’s that, that saves me, my hero lets play!

Your eyes see what others don’t. Your ears are intune for load noises it can’t cope.

Your sense of smell is beyond the best hound. 

And between airplanes and cars is where you’ll be found!  

You’re particular in ways and that’s ok. 

I know you are greater than you may think some say. Not because of this condition they label you in but because truly you were made perfectly within.

Perfectly true. Dear son of mine. 

You are perfectly true. 

My hero who captures my heart daily . When hard days fail me.

Your smile, your breathe. It reminds me of love. And I crumble because your touch as gentle as a dove 2 minutes before had smacked me or managed a hard shove.

A deep breathe I take.

Because your true you IS there.

So the choices we make, Helps us keep you there. 

You’re perfectly true.

Oh I love you boy. My Tate Boy. Thank you for blessing me with who you are. Your strength to cope in the world day to day,

Shows me the super powers you behold and the saving grace you portray.

My hero

My legend

You save me everyday .


Bone Broth my best friend

Bone broth bone broth bone broth! I’m sure you’ve heard of it these days. 

The medicinal values of this stuff far out ways the smell while cooking it or what it sounds like. It’s beyond AMAZING! I will never live without it. Never! Ever. Eevvveerrrr.

My daughter loves it! And she’s a fussy eater so that’s saying a lot. When I started eating it, I was quite weary and desperate to say the least. I needed to heal my gut. I needed to get ahead of the auto immune disease and to feel better.

After drinking if for a week I had 10 compliments in 1 day and started loosing weight. I stopped craving wrong food. My skin looked healthier and my gut felt better. I then did the Chicken broth and ended up totally emptying my stomach and detoxing for 4 days. My stomach was healing!!!! It was phenomenal.

It’s a journey and by far one that must not involve a love affair. It’s s way of life incorporation it into your daily eating habits.

I recommend looking into the GAPS diet for any autistic or gut guidelines. I’m yet to do it properly and my son hates the broth but we will get there.

What’s the big deal you say? Bone broth has enormous healing compounds like proline, glutamine, collagen. It’s an anti inflammatory and healing the gut lining which I turn stops toxins from entering into your blood stream. It’s good for your bones, teeth, hair. It strengthens immune system and your gut function. Not only does it taste nice if you do it right it also creates gelatin which is super good for you. The fat on it is gooood fat. The body thrives off this super-broth and no wonder when you have a cold or flu they used to say chicken soup is best because the broth ‘soup’ really does boost your body to generate healing and you cannot help but fall in love with it.

Now be careful because you can get rubbish commercial stuff out on the shelf because NO! – sugary ingredients are NOT allowed in it like to tomato paste etc. If you want the real deal.

And a quick half an hour cooking time wont cut it. The secret to broth is the ssllooooooooww drawing out of the collagen in the marrow bones. I cook mine for 72 hours sometimes. It’s fabulous.

But go research it yourself and find out from the professional & amazing people like Sarah Wilson and nutritionist if you must get more wonderful info on it. But the real test is in drinking it. Just drink it without telling anyone for 10 days… And you’ll hear the comments& feel the difference.

Here’s how you start: (this is for beef broth)

  • Use a slow cooker on high.
  • Buy marrow bones, joint bones, necks or stewing meat with bones.
  • Apple cider vinegar (I use Braggs)
  • Garlic
  • Veggie salt & pepper 
  • Cold water
  • Leeks, carrots (optional)

Then brown any of the pieces of bones that have meat on if to brown neat and clutch in the flavor. Use your oven on 180′.

While that’s going on, place cold water in the slow cooker, add your WASHED bones, your chopped /crushed garlic , salt and pepper.

Add only a dash of Apple cider vinegar. This aids in drawing out the collagen so I’ve been told. 

Add browned meat once the water has been heated up. And cook away for anything from 12 to 72 hours!

{Once cooked}

Cool broth down. Take out bones. Place in fridge once cooled. A thin layer of fat will form. It’s easily removable. Discard it. Or eat it if you need the fat or doing GAPS diet.

I place the broth, meat and all into either 

  1. Ice cube trays to freeze
  2. Or zip seal bags mini size to freeze

That was I get to take out cubes or pocket size portions to warm up on the gas stove whenever I like. 

Easy. Easy. Easy.

I don’t take the meat out because I personally eat it as a meal and enjoy it like a cup of soup. Mine is quite organic and rough and not smooth clean liquid.

I have to make sure it’s like a soup so I can enjoy it like a meal. And not like a chore. 

Enjoy it, it’s worth every drop. You can feel it do good straight away. 

Lasts 5 days in fridge and 3 months in freezer.

(I’ll do chicken broth post soon)

Oh! And if my dog has funny tummy I give it to him too. Fixing him up no problem! Not sure how to prove that but it does ! Amazing right?! 

Owning yourself 

It’s a difficult thing. Owning yourself.  
That term of ‘taking ownership’. 

In a difficult or precarious situation you find yourself in, you tend to disown yourself by letting go of who you really are by lashing out with anger, frustration, sadness, arm movements and tantruming (yes even at our age- come on now, let’s be real) This all manifests from the emotions fear, anxiety, shame, resentment, hurt, sadness, uselessness. 

As an adult we have had a few years of being able to learn how to overcome those emotions but on the flip side we have had years whereby life has had influence on us using them (emotions) more and more…. So this is where I find its really time to start taking ownership of who you are. 

You are quite capable. And God made us this remarkable way. That you can flip that brain from the negative to the positive reaction. Damn it’s hard!!!!! It’s a pure oxymoron. 

It’s hard (emotion) but it’s easy ( physical)

Example: A man bumps you in grocery store. You had bad day. You can (a) turn around and say …..£!€%<~]|!! 

Or (b) you can make CONSCIOUS decision to turn that around and say ‘ oh dear, no problem. You ok?Im alright’ 
Which one brought peace ?

Which one was harder?

Which one made that other person feel loved?

Which one would’ve robbed you for the rest of the day?

You decide. 

You start owning your decision processing.

You start trusting God to show you the good.

The end of you, the beginning of new

It’s hard man. It gets so hard. Sometimes you feel so overwhelmed by the battle and the tiredness you simple feel your brain and body are apart from one another & you exist as a separate being. 

A strange parent-outofit-survivor-spacethingymajig.

The hard days are strong in endurance racing. You run a triathlon. But there’s no finish line rejoice yet because you now have to do dishes and then wash yourself, lock up the house, make sure the cats been out to urinate, check kids, windows, nappies, blankets , dogs happy, hubbies happy , you happy. You then take your meds your vitamins whatever helps you be super mom for tomorrow. You double check you closed garage and now you can put alarm on. Oh, the bed calls you. 

The triathlons not over. Your finish line is near. 

Brush teeth , Jajoba oil your face& neck…. Oh how sweetly crips your sheets feel. You now on seeing the finish line ribbon…. 

Oh wait! What’s this ? The finish line has been run through by someone else … Your spouse. Dammit! They finished first. 

Well beloved women, mom, wife, lady, tomorrow you have another race. It’s game on! 

The hard brings out the worst in you. The very inner worst. 

But and yes, here’s the BUT.

The hard also brings out – if you allow it – the ‘turn around’ moments. I call it that because you get to such a difficult point. You can either give up and go crazy, shout, loose it or whatever we find ourselves doing or we can ‘ turn around’. 
Turning around is so friggin hard guys. It takes your very soul and crushes it. Man it’s not easy. But the advice I can give you in that the more you do it, the easier it gets.

I fail at it. A lot. But I try everyday. And each time I have victory in Turning Around I feel that ugly weight fall off my shoulders. I can’t explain it. It’s almost like that guilt or tiredness becomes less.
Turn yourself around. In those hard times think of me, look at yourself. And turn around. Turn the other way. You’ll notice your kids turn around too and so does your spouse. 
Good luck xx let me know how it goes.

I don’t love you Mumma

Mummy I don’t love you…. Said daughter. 

Wait …(thinking) What?! … Have I just heard right? I had you growing in me for nine months . I was prodded and pulled, contracted and cut, investigated and swollen, dilated and stitched up… I’ve had no sleep for years and sucked on till I bled! So really did I hear right? No, surely not. Someone once gave me the analogy that breastfeeding through cracked nipples feels like six hooks tide to your nipple& breast, attached to a bus and then pulled! And you telling me you don’t love me? ?? ….

Now here is a moment that only a revelation can make better or else I’m going into the garden to eat some worms. 
We are taught our whole life to not be offended by people and somehow we managed to do that, to avoid the offence. But when you have sacrificed so much; carried a child for so long and given up a whole lot to give this child safe securehome and  environment for them to say I don’t love you it’s kind of a harsh thing. Stab, kill my heart and leave me to die, slowly & painfully…

There had to be away where I didn’t feel hurt and there had to be a way that I can show her love back . Oh did I say she also said, at another time of reinforcing she doesn’t love me I’m ‘yukkie’ . Yukkie means gross right?! I was broken, I’m being totally honest. 

So I pondered…

And It made me realise how Jesus felt for us what God felt for us. God made this paradise to live in and gave us one thing not to do but we did it anyway & implications of that caused us to have shame and hurt and be aware of the evil and the good.

However He gave us  the whole pregnancy thing he gave us the whole birthing thing. Then the pain and the hurt where I  cried out please take this away from me. But in actual fact God did, He sent his son to take all the pain away for us so that we can be free . But hear me out, don’t loose me here…

Now imagine someone said to you when you are pregnant Let me carry the baby for you let me take that pain away. Imagine it’s a dreadful pregnancy that was hard and difficult or sore or maybe like me was amazing but the birth and after was haaarrddd.  What if they said let me push it out and tear myself, bleed and take the pain. Let me do the sleepless night’s and the cracked nipples so that you can have freedom. But then how do you receive that, you say I don’t love you…

The truth is God has done that for us in a heartbeat but we have to come to the table. Gods done it already. Once for all. For all! And it made me realise that Hannah is also ignorant and young whose emotions are fleeting. She wants what is fun & what makes her feel good she doesn’t quite understand and have the maturity yet.

We however are adults and we do understand the concept of feelings love sacrifice hope freedom? But maybe you don’t understand how we get freedom from God? 

If that’s so, I encourage you to start asking questions. Because you can’t rule out the depth of love that Jesus has. He did too much to show us how much He really cared. 

He took all the pain from us. And the shame. He gave us grace and he gave us wisdom. But He is also Oh So Real– He gave us a choice. To choose him. When you cry out 

Take the pain away

Then that’s all He wants to do. But we say… Even after He took on the blood of this world ; 

I don’t love you 

Wow. Sucker punch. In the gut.

Now maybe only a mom would understand what I’m trying to say. If you don’t please be patient with me. 

Giving birth I will not forget. It’s flippin sore. It’s down to the core sore. Theres no hero in it honestly that’s garbage. Just messy vulnerable exposure of the most horrific pain.  For me it’s beyond words. No words can describe it. Now after experiencing that for the very beautiful reason ( Hannah) to be telling me it was for no love towards me is pure anguish. 

How much more, as Jesus took the pain actually 1 million times worse than childbirth. So much so he sweated blood. Some say His Face was beyond recognizable…. Now. All that for us to say to Him, I do not love you.

Utter heartache. Gods jealousy for us His love for is so strong so BIG. How can we not say I love you Lord. I love you Jesus. I receive you God.

Yet even though we don’t say the above do you know what? He pursues us still. He never gives up. He will still love us and give us the same as to those who said they love Him.

Just as I will love my daughter even through her fleeting emotions, her selfish young mind at that time… And I dont love my son more because he didn’t ever say that to me. No, I love them the same. So is that for God. 

Man if only you could feel how much He loves you. I promise you, you would never turn from Him. His love is more real than you would ever experience… And He never gives up on you. I know. 

Those stories you hear whereby people are hurt by God… If you dig deeper into it you would realize it’s people, man, humans that hurt the person or it was them themselves that decided to turn. For whatever reason. Sometimes it’s our carnal mind that can’t understand but that’s why we need relationship with Him. So He can help us understand. But not ever , not once will it be God. 

The religious rubbish out there is a lie to the heart of Jesus. It’s an insult to His love to you. Rather try and trust your heart with His than the other people and the church. Because sometimes we get things wrong but God never, ever fails you. Ever.

Sit with Him. He’s eager to talk with you. And tell you How much He loves YOU.

Dignity + Cars

{written in 2016}

Ok my child is not sitting still, like not for a second. The doctor’s secretaries are looking at me as if I’ve brought in a monkey not a child . The grannies sitting there are starring at me, ashamed I’m not keeping my son in check!
I’m keeping my head down towards my unmanageable son & the numerous pages of paper work I need to fill in and I am trying to show Tate a picture in a book ‘look boy, a tractor!’ Broom broom friggin broom!!!!!!!!
Oh my gosh. I’m good mom I’m a good mom… You don’t understand. It’s not my son he’s just got sensory stuff going in his brain and can’t manage it all… Please stop starring at me.  At him! He’s a cool guy . He truly is a cool dude. Look he loves cars….

 Oh wait I never packed any cars! 

There it is “Mrs da Canha, you may go in now” …. Oh thank you Lord! I smile with sheer relief my stomach actually does a physical somersault I want to throw up. I realise I’m not going to be so tense anymore because I’ll be entering into a different room where perhaps Tate might be more controlled. 

Next scene:
Smash Grab Scream Poke, Face on floor (dirty doctors room floor!) Kicking Yelling

I say : “Oh my word is this real? Oh sorry Doctor did I say that out load ?”

She smiles.

Tate carries on. And on. And on.
Examination complete. Wow that was a fog. Quick head check : Did I ask everything?

Background noise : Crash Bang Yell Climb.

Now for my examination … Oh crumbs … How the hell am I going to accomplish that??? 

Conclusion: I accomplished it. I did. I’m crying as I sit here. It broke me. That doctors visit. It broke me as a mom, a person , as a human being. I’m confessing… But hell, I’m not alone right?!?! I resorted to utter spirit breaking exhausting last resort. The final flag. And it just came out my mouth. 

The only way I could get Tate to sit still while I got the doctor exam in a rash near my upper leg near my buttock was to say to Tate “Come boy come see moms bum!”

Ok … Well that was the only moment of pure silence. He sat, not by Moms bum, of course! … ( blush!!) But by my head and was still. Utterly still. For two seconds…. They felt like hours. Like time stood still.

Will I ever share this terrible post? 

I’m afraid I must. 

Rash near buttock embarrassment to who knows who around the world ; compared to utter pain in doctors room with an autistic sensory Seeker child and a new mom to it all

I’m afraid I can’t compare. 

The new mom to a SPD child was knocked over and has not recovered yet.

My rash & dignity however has.

And next time, I take cars….and no apologies. I’ve grown. 

Life’s Too Short

Life’s waaay to short to be unhealthy. This is honestly a revelation that would seem barefaced to many but is infact truly blinding to some. Being unhealthy has been the worst thing for me. It’s easy but it’s ugly. It blindsides you.

This post only comes because I’ve been there, unhealthy. Half was not my choice because my of my auto immune disease and half because It was easier just just give in and make wrong choices when you so tired… See the perpetual cycle ?

So here is my advice on how to get ‘going’ with your health. This is especially for those with hypothyroidism or auto immune disease.

1- Get your inner body better

Now I didn’t say fixed. I said better. These are starting blocks. In order for you to start being motivated your chemical and hormone balance must be right or else you will ‘fail’ which in turn demotivates you. Get your medication right so that you have that positive mind even if just a little.

Am I making sense?

You see I knew I had to get healthy. But I kept failing. Kept breaking my own promises because I wanted to but was working against a physiological disability. Once I got that ( the medication)  right or even slightly right, I had energy to keep going and trying. And as I got more victories my physical and mental cheerleading team seemed to improve. Now there is no more perpetual cycle but a perpetual victory staircase. Each step is victory and each step brings new beginnings.

2-Find a cheerleader

Find your person that cheers you on. That you accountable to. That person must drop you messages, help you in research or motivate you to keep going . Someone who cares for your well being. That knows you before you were feeling like this. Someone who helps instead of draining you. This could be your doctor, your mother, your husband or your friend. If you get things wrong tell them and try again . Ps- you can have a few of these Angels .

3- Love who you are

Yoh! This is hard. But love the person you are inside and out, even if you loosing hair or getting fatter or depressed … Find yourself in the mess because once you identify yourself and YOU and not your sickness, you tend to WANT to make yourself better. Once you found the scent of who you are without the ‘bad’ you kinda fall in love with the genuine ‘good’ of yourself and in turn become less harsh on yourself and then, the more freeing your days become. Which in turn releases the right hormones and helps you get better and you choose overall-health over overall-giving up.

4- If you can, start a Precision Nutrition with Absolute Health. Good habits start with patience and good guidance. 

The New Year

{written on the first on Jan 2017}

As I sit this morning , the town sleeps… Perhaps still awake. One can’t help but wonder between the dreary eyed, foggie brain of a sleepless night; what’s next, what’s ahead, what is the next year bringing.

Those thoughts sit in my mind, daunting & full of fear. I suddenly catch myself in it all. The past year was not great, at all… At all.

There’s no use fearing. Gods not in fear. There’s no use wondering ahead to negative, there’s no fruit in that.
The truth is you don’t really know what’s ahead. You can’t do more new year resolutions there’s too much pressure.

So I realize and sit here in the peace that I must look up, look to truth, not towards fear. But to the good of the past, the heart of the future. Take those pearls and make a beautiful necklace. Take that strength gained from the last year and use it to to do brilliantly this year. That wisdom found last year, put to practice so you don’t go around the same mountain. So that you can encourage others, teach and raise up greatness around you.

Because then my dear friends the passed bad becomes good , great and worth it. You just gotto flip it and flip it good as one brilliant man once said xxxx

This Blog

I don’t want to write about this when I got it all figured out and I have had a year, heck, a month of proper sleep … I don’t want to look back with wisdom I have gained but lost the true feeling at the time.
I want to write while I am looking back on THIS day THIS month and go flip, I failed but it is a new day tomorrow and I have got to learn from this.
It feels more real, like my heart is beating with yours because maybe you can identify.
Identify because you are transparent- just like me. The one who is trying, learning, failing and conquering! HA !

Identify because maybe you feel just like me
Identify because maybe you nothing like me but you hear my words.
Identify because maybe you don’t have 4, 5, 6 kids but you feel like you do!
Identify because you do have 4, 5, 6 kids& part of your life is fine but another things you ARE finding difficult.
Identify because, YES, we are equal. We are all human (dammit really? I thought I was superhuman!!??)
Identify because no matter what, you ARE made to parent. To be counted on. To be a giver, carer, lover, provider.

Identify because you chose love.
Because that’s your path. You were blessed with kids whether biological or not you ARE a parent & you were destined to be. That’s your position.
So get real with me. We don’t always love our jobs & sometimes we stuff up. Like big time. God knows your heart though … So be kind to yourself and others like you and let’s get real.

I have had a journey to share.

That’s because God made us so awesome. Let’s be awesome.

Blue Water Lane has a sister blog called Creative Stream ♥ Check it out.